By Claudia Gova
I reached the sea. Of my emotions.
Touching a fully alive afternoon
Walking through the streets to meet
Mother for lunch.
What happened next? I was feeling deeply while my eyes kept witnessing the flow of casual life, normal activities, bread, exchange of conversations, apple pie, a small discussion between my mom & I. Nothing too critical too different from another day but my inside started to vibrate.
At home, the
miscommunication continued with mom, we spoke about politics, education, future changes in our routines. We were like chatty birds. I was feeling like a body placed there and at the same time, pulled into an ocean of fear, sadness, waves, and movement… Now I wonder how did I start confessing? What made me pop? Like a kid when its inevitable to let the anger express. I witness my feelings visiting the chest and I react to the tidal wave of my thoughts.
She is my friend and trust guide and on this occasion, I use her as a pillow that was needed for draining the system. At the moment I started to cry and spoked about how I felt, I could watch how pain was discharging all over the room. A serpent was emerging from my skin, and I remembered the image of the Laocoonte that a teacher showed me previously in the class of Art. A sublime statue of a priest holding an attack.
As an image, you can picture me as a goddess letting anger to be outside, to encounter this world through my words and tears. After that peak what I kept for cogitation is that…
I can’t blame the sensation of fear and sensibility to the full moon
I can’t longer harm myself and watch how I cast demons all over me
I can’t expect my family is there just to catch me when I fall
I found peace through the gaze of the self and thought the simple movement of stepping back to watch how I relate to this dark shadow in real action. With a small and almost perceptible gesture, I drew a window to breathe and to invite that hurt part of mine to open to the question that Thich Nhat Hanh continuously pursues us to ask: “Are you really sure?”
A good writer on her blog recently posted a poem of Kipling, where it says “If you can keep your head when all about you”. So I invite you to let open an investigation about you & life, to ask yourself if you have a soft relation with your deepest parts, to watch yourself with compassion and love without escaping the shameless or ignored pieces inside your psyche.