Abdicate

Exit

I saw exit doors every way. I like to feel I always have a route to vanish, to fly away, to escape. But sometimes I forgot my own ability to seek that routes, obscuring the knowledge that there is always a safe place available all the time for me. But not all the time I’m a pirate, I drown and avoid to seek for room and space of silence and peace.

Yesterday a woman approached me, an old and magnetic lady with green witch eyes, with a hug she came close to said something about death. Only driving back home I realize that her goodbye was one powerful shock to my reality. She said goodbye saying in a cheerful tone – “congratulations for your soon death”.

How can someone say that? Maybe I got wrong and misunderstood the whole phrase. But a poison was touching my brain and feelings, it went deep, making me cry in the parking lot, making me feel fear and realizing I was dark and blur. Like a train in high speed suddenly I realize I could die, that death is another door, always present as life.

The consciousness of death can freeze you and turn your fears big but also can make you visualize a flower. The blooming, the mysterious bloom that occurs at dawn. I choose to hold both extremes, the fear, and the miracle. I contemplate the use of that internal earthquake to understand and what I realize that moment was a renewed mirror giving pressure. Pushing me to become more clear with my internal decisions. Should I stay or should I quit the compromises that until now, I kept? Should I  express my thoughts or should I let them rest at the bottom of my chest?